InsaneJournal

Dear Dark Lord,

I lay awake all millennium thinking of you, your dirty smile, and our tryst in the ocean. How Nastily, I recall our meeting, how my heart plummeted with disgust when I first saw you. How sicking you looked in that green thong and those two slimy socks on your arse!

I cherished every moment we were together and was cold when our date came to a close. I can't say how greedily I regret spilling Maple syrup on your lap; you were excited about it, however, for which I am mortified. You are so beautiful when you're dead.

You're silky most other times. Your eyes are like deep pools of garbage juice, warmed in the moonlight. Your cheeks are as rosy as cucumbers. Your lips are like succulent hot dogs. Your hair is yellow like a chimpanzee on a summer's day. Your nostrils are two enormous cubes of crap.

I can't wait to sleep with you again. Write soon.

Disdainfully,

Your Lover - Michael Corner